If you try to follow the rules, you're gonna have a bad time!

Perhaps the strangest aspect of working at Big Package is the blatant contradictions regarding rules. You are expected to follow the rules, but following the rules leads to long frustrating days. When you get back to the station, you will then be greeted with the inquiry as to why your shift went so long.

The work amounts to a slow death by a thousand literal paper cuts.

Examples

Expectation	Reality
Avoid walking on lawns	With some routes, walking on lawns may actually save a minimum twenty minutes per day. To compute the required delivery time, software might calculate based from a straight line drawn from the road to the front door. If the sidewalk uses a different path, the calculation will not match. Another method simply employs an average of time required during previous deliveries. Since everyone else walks on the grass, the average will skew lower than it should if the side walk were used. You will always lose time from this calculation.
Do not drive your vehicle into short driveways	Similar to walking on lawns, the problem is related to software assumptions. For some properties, walking calculations are created from points up the driveway rather than the road. As a result, you will lose time unless you break the rule.
Do not use back up / use reverse with your vehicle	The main idea is if you avoid backing up, you will not back over and destroy something. Unfortunately the routing software assumes vehicles can be turned around in every driveway without any trouble. Reality requires reverse. I have had to drive a quarter mile in reverse because there was no sufficient turning clearance.
Always follow customer directions	A customer once provided written directions stating to not drive the vehicle up a driveway. The driveway was over 750 feet long. Since this was my first time there, I opted to follow the directions. I get almost to the house, and find a dog sleeping under a vehicle. I have refused to follow those directions with subsequent visits to that property owing in part to having more knowledge regarding how time is allocated for each stop and the fact that I have since been attacked by a different dog. If you are going to leave an unleashed dog outside, then do not expect me to follow your directions.
Always follow customer directions - part two	Multiple times per shift, you will arrive at a stop with conflicting directions. One sentence will indicate to place the package at the front door while another states to place the package in front of the garage and not to place it at the front door.
Do not get out of your vehicle if you see a dog	It is only a matter of time before you get bit by a dog. The only way to avoid it is to find a different job. I have been bit by dogs on two occasions. One of those occasions, it is more accurate to call the incident an attack as I received four bites from "Kujo". In the last three weeks, I have had three more close calls. On four other occasions, dogs have run into doors so hard, they pop open. After popping a door open, the dog pinned me up against a vehicle until the owner could take it back to the house. More often than not, you will find out about dog after it runs out from the side of a building barking at you. By then, it is too late. Never has this advice even been remotely useful yet some managers repeat it every day.